Revealed: Top Causes of relationship murder

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Relationship killings and gender-based violence have been rampant in Kenya.

It is puzzling why an individual would want to kill someone they love so dearly.

Here are some ideas of what could be causing this:


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When someone has a low opinion about themselves they will tend to seek justification from the world to make them feel good about themselves.

In a relationship, they will seek justification from their partner and feel that no one else can accept, understand or love them. Their partner determines their worth and without them then they think they’re worthless.


This could spring from constant rejection or not getting any attention in the past. So when someone finally loves them or shows them attention, it’s like they become glued.

In the event of a disagreement or a looming break up, fear kicks in and the partner resorts to killing the partner because they feel without them they are worthless or no one else can give them attention and love and most kill themselves also since they feel their value is determined by their partner and there’s no point of living in their absence.

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A rocky past

A partner could have gone through so many heartbreaks in past relationships. This could be cheating, being dumped or just traumatic experiences in toxic relationships.
All these build up anger in a person overtime if unresolved. This person will, therefore, carry the anger in the next relationships.
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So when the partner gets into another toxic relationship they might take out the anger on their partner by killing them.
When their partner cheats or tries to leave them, they cannot stand another heartbreak so they kill the partner before they can do it to them.


This comes from the feeling of owning the partner. It arises from some sort of ‘investment’ they have made in their partner.

The ‘investment’ could be in the form of dates, time, money spent in wooing the partner, sacrifices made, dowry paid during marriage.

The greater the ‘investment’ the greater the entitlement the partner feels.

The entitlement drives the partner to hurt their loved one when they have disagreements or the relationship gets rocky.

When the partner threatens to leave the relationship or doesn’t follow their ‘rules’ the sense of entitlement causes the partner to hurt them.


A partner who has an inflated sense of importance will want the relationship to be centred around them.
They want all the attention on them, things are done just as they want. This creates an unhealthy relationship where the other partner struggles for attention and being treated right.

A partner with an inflated ego might use threats on their partner if they deviate attention from them.
This could be something as simple as not texting back, missing a call, not visiting. When the partner feels they aren’t getting the attention they might resort to hurting the partner.


When a partner is constantly getting hurt in a relationship, the pain keeps growing in them.
They stay in the relationship out of obligation; children, love, fear, societal expectations. This keeps them under so much pressure.
When such a partner eventually gets to a point where they can’t take the pain anymore, they may resort to killing a partner to set themselves free or as taking revenge for all they put them through.
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Counselling, talking to someone, getting help early enough before it escalates to that level is the solution, but it all has to start with acceptance.

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