At some point in your work life, you’ve probably had to interact with a jerk. They’re the people who demean and disrespect you.
They might steal credit for your successes, blame you for their failures, invade your privacy or break their promises, or bad-mouth you, scream at you and belittle you.
They treat you like dirt, and either they don’t know it or they don’t care.
The natural response is to get defensive, but that only escalates the cycle of aggression. Take a classic study in which researchers recorded negotiators with different levels of skill.
Average bargainers ended up in three times as many defend-attack spirals as expert negotiators. The experts escaped the heat of the moment and cooled the other person down, too.
They calmly commented on their reactions to the other person’s behavior and tested their understanding of what the person was trying to convey.
We’re all capable of those behaviors, and we feel bad about them afterward. One study showed that on days when leaders acted abusively, they ended up feeling less competent and less respected at work — and had more trouble relaxing at home.
Research on the psychology of certified jerks reveals that they have a habit of rationalizing aggression. They’ve convinced themselves that they have to act that way to get the results they want!
Research in banks and real estate companies points to two effective ways to break the pattern of handling a jerk, especially if they are active at your workplace, or hold a higher position than you.
One is to decrease your dependence on your boss. If you can minimize interaction, they can’t do as much harm.
The other is to increase your boss’s dependence on you. If they need you, they’re less likely to treat you like dirt.
If all else fails, then you can also look at it this way.
Pretend you’re a specialist in jerks, and think about how you’re really lucky to see this spectacular, amazing specimen.