You don’t have to commit suicide because your lover loves you no more. Taking away your life will only make him or her happier because you will be no more. No need to cry and hate yourself, life has to move on. If you find yourself in such a situation, these tips will help you out.
ACCEPT THE FACT YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER OUTCOMES
This one’s a little more difficult. You may feel tempted to do things to change the outcome. You may think you can win their heart if you just slightly change who and how you are when you’re around them, or maybe act or dress like someone they find more attractive, or perhaps somehow you can make them jealous, or maybe you can seduce them and romantically overwhelm them with the irresistability of you.
None of that shit will work. You can’t force things to happen. If you try, all you end up doing is looking desperate. And no one likes desperate. It’s unattractive. It casts a glaring spotlight on your fear you won’t get what you want. It shows how you’re willing to go to ridiculous lengths to be with the one you want. It suggests you don’t believe it will happen, and that you’re willing to do dumb shit to control the outcome. Instead, of playing games, accept you have no control over other people, no control over situations, and the only thing you can control is… yourself.
ALLOW YOURSELF MOMENTS TO BE SAD
Unlike an imaginary character, you’ll have moments of weakness, moments of sadness, moments when tears wet your cheeks and there’s not much you can do to stop them. Don’t even try. There’s nothing wrong with crying, there’s nothing wrong with being sad. The only danger is when you let those feelings linger too long.
Give yourself moments, days, maybe even weeks of sadness. But eventually, if you continue to dwell on your sadness, you’re just feeling sorry for yourself. And if you need some perspective take a trip down to any burn center or trauma unit whenever you want or need an undeniable reminder of why you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself.
DO NOT CONSIDER YOUR LOSS. THINK OF IT AS THEIR LOSS
When another person makes it clear they don’t want to be with you how else can you feel other than rejected? But this doesn’t mean it’s your loss. That’s looking at the wrong side of the kiss. Rather than focus on how you don’t get to know the softness of their lips. Remember they also miss out on the fullness of yours.
When you see it as their loss and not yours, it helps you maintain your confidence. Too often we focus on what we’re missing. But the one who walked away also misses out on something. You. That’s their mistake. Feel bad for them. Pity their loss. If you can see it that way you keep your value and maintain your confidence. Just because they don’t want you doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or unlovable.
DISTRACT YOURSELF
If you’re having trouble, forgetting about the one you lost, the best thing to do is distract yourself. Visit people who do care about you. Spend time with folks who bring you joy. Take up a new hobby. Find a new passion. Try something you’ve always been curious about but have yet to ever do. If you have the time and money, travel.
If you don’t have the time and money, then let literature and films carry you away. Especially, things that make you laugh. Treat comedy like medicine and when the blues pay you a visit, let laughter be your antidote. Watch old favourites and seek out new funny films as well. The key is not to dwell on you, your past, or your lost future. Distract yourself with positivity. Laughter, like truth, will set you free.
GIVE UP THE IDEA IT MIGHT WORK OUT EVENTUALLY
Another thing that’s super-important is you’ll need to give up the idea things might work out, eventually. Yes, none of us knows what will happen in the future. But that doesn’t mean you should use that as an argument to hold out hope. Maybe the one who got away will realize what they’re missing and come back, but don’t hang on to such a silly life preserver of hope. Start swimming. Focus on right now. They’re gone. So act like they’re gone and don’t wait for them to come back. If for some reason they do come back, let it be a pleasant surprise. In the meantime, live your life.
STOP BEATING YOURSELF
Another key to fighting the temptation to dwell on how you feel is to stop beating yourself up. It’s not your fault. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. That’s just how it goes. So accept this sad piece of wisdom and recognize there probably wasn’t anything you could’ve done differently.But for the sake of argument, let’s say there was. Well, there’s nothing you can do about it now. So let it go. Unless you have a time machine, all you can do is learn from the past. You can’t fix it.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
You may find in your darkest moments you’re comparing yourself to others, and their happiness feels like knives between your ribs and darts stabbing you in your eyes. We all love to compare ourselves to others, but just don’t. You never know how others really feel.
You think you can see how unfair life is, how another couple is just so goddamn happy, and how they have the perfect life and it’s just so horribly unfair. But you never know. Maybe driving home, a month from now, one of the people in that perfectly happy couple is killed by a drunk driver. And the survivor is left to mourn. Don’t assume anything. And don’t compare yourself. It’s a waste of your time.
TRUST YOUR FUTURE WILL SURPRISE YOU AND MOVE ON
Finally, here’s one other piece of advice from Hollywood. William Goldman, the screenwriter who gave us ‘The Princess Bride’ and a number of other great movies, is often quoted for saying a great truth about Hollywood, but it applies to life in general. “Nobody Knows Anything.”
These three little words hold so much wisdom. And you, my friend, may think you know how things will turn out, or what to expect in your future, or that you know what you’ve learned from your past, but then one little event occurs or a realization surfaces that proves everything you thought you knew is wrong.
DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. BE PROUD
You may feel pathetic or pitiful, that you’re obviously an unlovable loser. But you’re not. You’re just unlucky. Don’t be embarrassed because you put your heart out there and someone else said, “No thanks.” Be proud you were willing to love. There are far too many people in this world who will never be as brave as you were. And those people have almost zero chance of ever knowing love because they’re not trying and failing.
You may have failed this time, but anyone who’s ever wanted anything in this world most likely had their share of disappointments and setbacks. So be proud you risked your heart. And get ready to do it again… that’s the only way you’ll find real and lasting love. Don’t pull a Bogey in “Casablanca” and shut your heart off from the world, in the hopes that it never gets broken again. It took a team of screenwriters to get his character, Rick, to open his heart back up. You don’t have that luxury. Just be proud of yourself and keep trying. Love is worth a little pain along the way.