Yes, it’s fun to fantasise about fictional people who hold you in hot tubs and say things like ‘there’s no one like you, [insert last name here]’. But I’m afraid we must interrupt your daydreaming to urge you to fantasise about your real-life partner instead. Fantasising about your current partner can make your relationship stronger, suggests new research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Researchers looked at four different students (a tiny sample size) to look at how fantasies about a partner and fantasies about someone else affect relationships.
In the first two studies, people in relationships were asked to fantasise about their partner or about someone else they thought was hot. They were then asked to rate their interest in relationship-building activities. Those who fantasised about their partner were more keen on doing things with their partner that were beneficial to their relationship than those who fantasised about other people.
Next researchers asked the participants to track their fantasies and their relationship over the course of six weeks, asking them to note down any positive or negative feelings about the relationship. As you might expect, when people fantasised more about their partner they also found their partner more appealing, and had fewer negative perceptions of the relationship.
So, the researchers suggest, fantasising about your partner may make you more attracted to them, like them more, and be more interested in spending time with them. Sounds good. It’s worth noting, however, that the sample size, as we mentioned, is teeny-tiny, and more research will need to be done before the findings can be applied to every relationship.
Fantasies are a personal thing, and if part of enjoying your sexuality is thinking about someone other than your partner, you don’t need to panic. Explore your sexuality in a way that makes you feel comfortable. If you’re worried about intimacy and attraction with your partner, involve them in the conversation. That’ll likely soothe you more than dreaming about all the things you wish your significant other would do.