Five Things to Avoid Saying to a Person Who is Mourning

Death is cruel, it’s nerve wrecking, excruciatingly painful and the biggest loss one could ever experience, I fathom. With all that in question, Death is inevitable.

I’m certain no one wants to have conversations around the same and that’s understandable, but with the numerous death reports we have been receiving recently, talking about it is called for. Here are 5 things you should avoid saying /doing to a person who is mourning;

1.I know how you feel.

The pressure to be there as a friend or companion to console them is always high. However, having a full understanding of how exactly they feel is impossible. Acknowledge that it must really hurt but you just wouldn’t know to what extent. You may say something like this instead; “I can only imagine how hard this must be for you” or “May you have the strength to deal with this difficult situation”.

2.”I’m here if you need me” should be accompanied by actions.

Don’t just say you’ll be there, actually be there. In that moment, they’ve almost lost hope in anything ever making them happy. Most times they won’t ask for anything. So show up at their work place just to talk, bake for them, plan and take them out. They’ll thank you later for drawing them out even for just a few hours.

3.Comparing their story with yours or someone else’s

Bear in mind, it’s already hard to get them to talk about how they are feeling so the least you could do when they decide to, is listen. You might have gone through a similar situation or you know someone who has, but interjecting them with your story won’t make it less painful for them. Rather it won’t justify why it happened to them.

4.Life has to move on!

I mean, this person already now doesn’t see life for what it is and somehow you think telling them it will move on is consoling? Ridiculous! Saying this is not only hurting them further, but also comes across as if you’re telling them not to mourn their loved one. I strongly believe this is wrong.

5.”You’ve cried enough”

Trying to cheer them up is a good thing to do. Take them away from their thoughts for at least a few minutes. Nevertheless, it’s important to give them alone time. Don’t choke them with attention. Give them personal space to feel everything. Going at them with “stop crying” or always being in their space the moment you just see a teardrop is not wise. After all, it’s a personal journey and only them can heal through it.

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