Confession: “I Fart More Than Normal” Kenyan Man Cries

While farting every day is normal, farting all the time is not. Excessive farting, also called flatulence, can make you feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. It might also be a sign of a health problem.

In most cases, excessive farting can be controlled with changes to your diet and lifestyle. But in some cases, it’s necessary to seek out medical attention. Here’s a worried man’s confession:

“I am a man now in my early 30’s also now plagued by a dangerous problem that I can’t get rid of easily. First, I must say, I didn’t always have this problem, I think I started this when I was in my final year in college but I can’t pinpoint the exact genesis of this plague. I have a problem with spoiling the air aka farting.

I think I fart more than normal people and in particular, my body seems to have an appetite for thick slow-moving lethal silencers that even I sometimes feel, ‘that was too much’. Am writing this because recently we moved from a closed office setup to an open one which has been a nightmare for me because my system seems to not have noted this change and is releasing the silencers as usual.

Back in the closed setup, I would simply go near the window, point my a** towards outside and just let the system flow smoothly by releasing the gas swiftly into the atmosphere. Sometimes I did it near the fan to minimize eventual casualties of my silencers but now in this setup, am finding it very hard to live my normal life. Thing is, am having trouble inventing new tricks whenever I release one and someone starts heading in my direction.

Karma will always be karma, I could be in my chair for hours without someone walking by but the moment I release one and spray it to reduce its strength, that’s when someone from nowhere comes to talk or ask me questions. Mostly when I see someone walking in my direction when I have released one, I simply send an unimportant document to the printer and shout to them to bring me the document just to delay them for a short while but this trick will not work for long.

I have got to stop farting. I had started going to the washrooms whenever I felt the urge but then a friend asked me if I was having diarrhoea so that also didn’t work out. Does anyone know a herb maybe I could use to suppress my farts? I need to quit this.”

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