1. Odour free farts
These little tweaks of gas are odourless and have no smell. (phew) These farts, however, are mostly caused by swallowed air. This is brought about by things like hoovering your lunch, carbonated beverages like sodas, and chewing loads of gum like a miraa chewer lol can all be contributing factors. What doesn’t come out in the form of a burp will mosey its way through your digestive tract and come out the other end of ur-anus girl! While this is obviously totes kawaida and no biggie for your health, you can scale back in the gas department by eating slowly and with controlled swallows. Try to avoid soda and gum though…
2. Break for it Farts (Insta farts)
This is your body’s way of simply moving things along and all that. Lesser things are more uncomfortable (and straight-up F’n annoying man! ) than gas trying to make a break for it when you’re only two bites into your chicken or nyama choma. But don’t panic ma’: Your insides aren’t retaliating against your food choices… You can still have an all you can eat buffet.
3. Silent But Deadly Farts (SBDF)
Man! now, this is just your enemy of progress and slaying. Wololo! These are caused by foods rich in sulfur – broccoli, cabbage, eggs, meat, garlic and onions, etc. So these are the food that be having your insides fighting for fresh air huh? Silent killers indeed…
4. Super smelly farts
When your gut bacteria gets out of whack, this can cause digestive drama and lead to some pretty smelly, death causing farts. If your gas persistently smells foul and you’re experiencing additional symptoms like weight loss, bloating, nausea, fatigue, or bleeding. Ermm! It’s time to seek medical advise fam.
5. Burning for ya-nus lol
This is because you eat too many spicy foods(apparently secret to long life) Can you imagine the smell of gas and spice? Not so good huh? you got that right. The way it burns your mouth is the same way it burns your anus. Ouch! This is your body’s way of telling you that it didn’t enjoy the grub you just ate. Translation: You may want to simmer down your dishes. Diarrhoea can also irritate the anus and cause a burning feeling.
6. Cluster farts
This simply means that they’re constantly on end. It means that your body really likes or really hates the food you recently ate. Foods like beans, lentils, asparagus, and green bananas are the culprits here ladies. Just cause your tush is complaining, doesn’t mean you stop taking these… it just means you control the amount… we wouldn’t want a pr..prr..prrr situation that sounds like a tuk-tuk.
If you’ve been having some fart-le oh, I mean trouble with farting here and there, I hope these explain why. I’m still working on my puns though.