For the glorified and Loyal Side Chick

We all know how this goes. There are two people in a relationship, happy as can be. Then, all of a sudden, they aren’t happy anymore. Their woman isn’t vibing with them the way she used to. Then some niiiiiiiiceee girl comes around and gives him back his mojo and vibes are happening left, right and centre.

The conversation is better, she isn’t annoying, she isn’t nagging. It all seems fantastic with this little piece of heaven and he begins to wonder if he shouldn’t jump ship…but he still loves his girl doh. Yet, he has gassed madam on the side some gassing that makes her think she’s the queen of the palace.

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It only seems so ethereal because you’re only spending one-tenth the amount of time you would be spending with her if she was your actual girlfriend. This, however, has now adequately misguided a poor soul into thinking they now mean a lot more to you than they really do. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. This is how the cake you’re eating thinks she had a right to insert herself into your relationship and make it known that you love her more than you love your girlfriend. Or worse yet, that you don’t even love your girlfriend at all.

To my gentlemen, I like to remember the 80-20 rule. If you’re over here with somebody and you like 80% of the things they do and cannot stand 20% of the things they do, that’s fine. The silver lining is that you know exactly what that 20% consists of and know how to handle it. I’m not the best at maths but even I know it’s incorrect maths to go searching for the 20%, while you miss out on the 80% of goodness. Don’t be fooled. Ain’t nobody a hunnid out here. Nobody is made perfectly. I think it’s why some of us yearn for other people, to help create the balance we cannot create on our own. Our weaknesses should ideally be strengths of our partners and vice versa.

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 As a woman, I cannot even deny that there are some very fearfully and wonderfully made species’ of chocolate out there that have occasionally made me question why they aren’t mine? However (!!!!!!!!!!1exclamationmark) when they belong to someone else, all I should be doing is looking and then minding my own business.

It seems to be commonplace now for one woman to think someone else’s boyfriend was truly meant for them. I’m sorry, whooooo came and lied to you? Small lyrics he has given you. Honestly, I can’t say that some of these women can be blamed, because men have a very sneaky way of making a woman feel like she’s on top of the world, even when she’s not. As fellow women though, just because a couple is currently in a rough patch doesn’t lend itself to having you weasel your way into their relationship.

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Life happens: sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. Every argument and fight cannot be grounds for you to continue to put yourself in between two people in a commitment.

It’s easy to get caught up in whatever is going on. A man in a relationship gives you attention and tells you things you want to hear that make you feel very good. Ultimately, unless you’re his ONLY girlfriend/wife/fiancée, and the one that EVERYBODY knows about , you’re just a glorified side-chick.

As hard as it may be because you may have been sold a dream, ask yourself if you really want to get down like that. If you were the other woman, would you feel just as good knowing there was someone else he was being unfaithful with?

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Unless his significant other is abusive or a genuinely horrible person he needs to get away from, chances are, his friends and family will be supporting her if anything happened. The worst part is he will also be most likely trying to make it up to her, because there’s a reason he’s still there even though he claims he’s leaving and he’s in love with you.

I’m not entirely sure why a woman would think it is possible to go after another woman’s man (husband, boyfriend, fiancé) in the hopes of becoming the special woman in his life. Yes, sometimes the person in the relationship is the one who comes chasing after you. Tellllll them to go and end their relationship feeeli feeeli first. You need to be able to trust them, but most importantly, you’re worth the true commitment if they claim to be digging you like that.

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You are worth so much more.

You cannot get him through knowingly hurting someone else, only to find yourself in a relationship with him later and expect that he will be faithful to you. It’s a nice thought, but it just doesn’t work that way. While he may eventually leave the other woman and commit to you, is that really the kind of commitment you want? Where you look over your shoulder every so often because you’re not sure who else might be taking the path you took? At that point, you can’t blame somebody for wanting to say “aunty, na this wahala no be you go search am?”

You deserve to be treated like a queen. Don’t settle for any less. Be mindful that the way you get them is the way you lose them.

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We can’t go around doing one thing to other people and hoping we won’t get treated the same way. Plus, there’s nothing cute about being a side-chick, glorified or not.

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