Here Are Tips To Peaceful & Effective Step Parenting

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Being a step parent is not a walk in the park, we have heard of cases where children are physically abused by their step-parent or the step parents are abused by the children especially if the children are older. So much drama has unfolded in the issue of parenting.

It pretty matches walking on coals of fire and hoping not to be burnt, but since you have made the choice you have to be prepared for the complexities that come with step-parenting. Nevertheless, step-parenting has worked for so many people. It needs an open mind, compromise and lots of patience, but it works.

Here are a few simple rules to get you on your way.

1. They will call you mom/dad when they feel fit, it’s not your decision

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Don’t expect them to, you are still a stranger to them and those names are reserved for their real parents.  They have to get used to the new family dynamics before they decide whether to call you these names or not. If they do, that’s okay, if they don’t, well, it is what it is. Think about it, if someone was to waltz into your life and expect you to call them dad or mum, would you be enthusiastic about it?

2. Expect resentment

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They probably feel you are the reason their parents are not together and may end up hating you for it. They also feel insecure that you will be taking their parent’s love and attention away from them. Plus they will still be dealing with the absence of one of their parents, whether it’s through divorce or death. Once you understand where they are coming from, you will be able to deal the children with patience.

3. Do not engage the ex-spouse directly

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At least not until you guys are in a place of understanding and have established a proper middle ground. Let things that involve the ex-spouse be dealt with by your spouse. Otherwise, there are likely to be conflicts and misunderstandings.

4. Thou shall respect the ex-spouse’s rules concerning their children

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If they say their children goes to a certain school, don’t come in and try to change schools for those children. If they say the children can’t have phones, don’t try to be the cool mum or dad and buy the kids phones. Remember, an ex-spouse is not an ex-parent. They have a say in their children’s lives forever, and nothing can ever change that.

5. Dare not talk ill about the ex-spouse in front of the children

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This is the fastest way to make the kids resent you. Regardless of what the said parent did, it is not in your place to make bad comments about them in front of their kids.  That is still their parent and they still have feelings for them. You are trying to make the new arrangement work; not create a war zone.

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