Too often couples start exhibiting red flags of devastating behavior before their relationship has even really started. After the honeymoon period fades away, you enter a new phase in the relationship where you get comfortable. But if you are too comfortable, you might lose sight of why you are in the relationship to begin with.
Poor behaviors begin to emerge. It doesn’t always have to be a huge blowout that ends things; sometimes it’s a bunch of little things that wouldn’t be a big deal on their own, but take their toll before you even realize it.
We all know so many couples that seemed really in love, but after a while, they broke up. Both individuals tend to say they just don’t know how it happened after a breakup. But it’s a good bet one or more of the following killed their love. Here are the things that will destroy any relationship.
Subtle Unkindness
Relationships can spiral downward quickly when couples start saying “no” to the little things they ask each other. You could be asking to have the trash taken out, or to talk about what happened at work that day. Whether it’s about doing a chore, or connecting emotionally, saying no usually seems like no-big-deal at the time.
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But consistently saying no adds up, and the tiny acts of unkindness translate into “You don’t care about me” faster than you may realize. Eventually, the question becomes, “Why should I love someone who doesn’t care about me?” Not helping your spouse, not listening to what they have to say, or ignoring the things that are important to them will cause your relationship to deteriorate.
Withholding Affection
Withholding is a type of psychological manipulation and is motivated by two goals: to punish the other person or to maintain the upper hand. If you or your partner is withholding love and affection from each other, physical and emotional, it could mature into a type of abuse.
Withholding affection may be a due to a deep hurt the person cannot articulate, but it’s important to try and find the root cause. Showing each other affection through small things – like flowers, thank you notes, or a long hug – are helpful in showing that you appreciate, love and respect your relationship. Small amounts of effort can lead to great things.
Clinging to Resentment
Forgiveness is important not only in a relationship, but in all parts of life. People make mistakes, and if you can’t let things go even after they apologize and plenty of time has gone by, you’re going to have a hard time ever being happy.
If you are in a relationship where you still feel resentment towards your partner because of something that happened in the past then you will never be able to move to the next step of your relationship. Trust has to be shared, and clinging to something that happened a long time ago is going to hold you back.
Trying to Change Each Other
If you are unable to accept your significant other for who they are, flaws and all, then you most likely are not right for each other. While yes some people do change, it happens because the person wants to.
Trying to force them into it through tiny insults, pushy “well meaning” suggestions, or nit-picking everything they do will not result in any change. It will only cause arguments and make your partner feel that they are not good enough for you.
If your partner is trying to change a part of you, really reflect on if this is a positive change you want to make for yourself or if it is only benefiting your significant other.