Dealing With Crush Temptation While In A relationship

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It is important to differentiate between developing a crush on someone and finding someone outside of your relationship attractive.

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You are human, and it is highly likely that you will find other people other than your partner attractive. We discuss how to deal with those feelings.

Short real life story

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Allan had a crush on someone at his workplace six years ago, which almost cost him his marriage. Because he had become too close to her, he had taken several pictures of her and saved them in his phone.

One day as his wife went through his pictures, she saw them and immediately became suspicious. 

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“Although I later told my wife that nothing had happened between me and this woman, a lot had been lost. The happiness and trust my wife had for me disappeared. To date, I regret why I developed feelings for the woman at work,” Allan said.

Although Allan failed to manage his crush, crushes are normal and they happen to real people. Jonathan Okiru a counsellor at Family Life Network, says

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Remember your commitment

At the point of having a crush, you should recall and note down all the good things you saw and liked in your partner before you made a commitment.

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A relationship advisor once said, having a crush while in a relationship may not mean that you are a bad partner. The only problem is that many fail to control their feelings.

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“One recipe for crushes is when the relationship is past the honeymoon phase. Many think that a crush will excite them and if there are any problems in the relationship and life, they could become a cushion,” counselor shares.

You will not stop feeling attracted to other people but it is within your control to either nurture the feelings or let them go. It is not good to crush under the influence of alcohol as you will make quick decisions that may not be rational.

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Reflect

Since people often talk of the crush meeting unmet needs in their relationship, it is important to spend a little time reflecting on why you are crushing on this person in particular.

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Take time to reflect

It is dangerous if the crush becomes your first confidant on matters affecting your family or your family history

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Remember True Maturity

At the point of the crush, try to remember that true maturity is being able to deny yourself short term gratification for a lasting one. 

This is like refusing to eat a Pizza on your way from work awaiting the only meal prepared by your partner and yet you are actually hungry

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Vows, whether publicly or privately made, are powerful. A man is as good as his word if you have given your word to commit to your partner, stick to your word.

Tell your partner about crush

Transparency in any relationship is a strength and you must share with your partner about the crush to help you overcome the feelings.

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Openness in a relationship is key but in regards to this matter, telling your partner about it is optional as this depends on your relationship. some partners will take it lightly, especially if they are confident about the relationship, others may not.

Stay committed

“It takes time to build trust, honesty, and love and they can be broken in just seconds,” However, in case you have trouble sorting your feelings for this other person, you contact a therapist or a friend you trust and who will not pass judgment to help you resolve the issue.

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Crushes are Short-lived 
Crushes come and go pretty quickly, usually in a matter of months. Love stays, whether the relationship works or not, the feelings are always there to some degree.

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