Nairobi is not your equal, neither is it our village to play around and to survive, you need to be street smart.
Most Kibanda guys and chicks can tell you that you cannot survive on chips and work like a burukenge in an office space in harlingham or parklands. To survive , you have to live by the rules.
First never dodge mama mboga when your salary hits the safe or else you will die of hunger like Turkana people yet there is no drought declared in Nairobi. She is not your equal. When you make those calls back home and no one answers, she might be your rescue to ensure your bones don’t come out.
Here are some of the rules you need to abide and make plans to survive.
Remember Nairobi has recently been rated the most expensive city in Africa. The study, dubbed Cost of living in cities around the world: Prices and Earnings 2018, ranked Nairobi at position 68 and the most expensive city to reside in Africa.
So open your ears and learn how to survive Nairobery and you will survive any other city.
Entertainment Expenses
Keep off, in fact blacklist the slay queens.Call them only if their willing to go to a kibanda and don’t sponsor more than two chapatis. Also there is only one rule here; until you get money avoid clubs and bars like a plague.
Once Friday evening comes around, pass by your local movie guy and catch up with the latest series and movie enough to last you until Monday morning when you go back to the grind. In fact carry a flash so the cost reduces to ksh 30 bob instead of ksh 50 bob
If you must drink, then go for Keg or cheap spirits and whiskies, there are quite a few safe and pocket friendly spirits compared to your usual Johnnie Walker black label or old monk. But also don’t take too much or you will land in the bedbug cells and makarao will make you sell the woofer to bail you.
Communication Expenses
This is another silent monster that if left untalked about can easily consume a week’s long budget.
First thing is to avoid excess bundles and logging in to social media unnecessarily.
One thing if you have excess bundles, that feeling of watching porn comes and once you see them, slay queens come into mind.
Avoid engaging in idle chat of “Niambie mazuri ya masiku” to save on data .
That time wasted online could also be used in cracking your head on how and where you can hustle tomorrow.
When you wish to communicate use Whatsapp for all your communication needs and unsubscribe from daily unlimited SMSes.
If possible shift to a cheaper service provider. Like? put in the comment section , we must survive.
Transport Expenses
When your broke and looking forward to making a kill, the alarm will not be necessary because there is no sleep. Even in your dreams, you dream working like a burukenge and siphoning kimwarer dam funds only to wake up and find yourself in a single room with one sufuria.
The good thing about being broke is that you will have no time for sleep; you don’t need an alarm your problems will literary wake you up.
Wake up before 5am and leave for work immediately, matatu fare at this time is extremely cheap, you can pay as low as Sh20 to town instead of the normal Sh60 – 100.
Another great way to save on transport cost is to board a train to work especially if you stay along Mombasa road, it is way cheaper than Matatu and Buses combined.
Grooming
When you are broke you can be allowed to look a bit shaggy than usual but maintain cleanliness. Its important. Nobody will want to associate with you if your dirty but old clothes can be understood.
it is simple, forget about executive barbershops and salons which charge up to Ksh1000 for a simple shave rather utilize your local barber who can transform your looks for as low as Sh50.
Another way you can save costs is by simply shaving your hair ladies, this is the time to rock short hair. In fact men nowadays want women who have that natural African look. But that is my opinion i know ladies will differ.
But if your a zulu lady , potential men will inbox you for dates and possibly propose.
Marry
Living single is expensive. Men! look for a girl and convince her. Have you ever noticed that even the most broke families never go hungry yet the guy pulls carts and yet you work in westlands earn a good amount but you can go hungry all night without even ksh 20 bob for githeri. I pity single fellas.
Also avoid an expensive lifestyle, don’t be cheated , women love the simple things done in a creative way.
Food expense
This is one of the most innocent yet money consuming expenses because you can easily give into it and later justify it, learn to only eat when hungry and not when you feel like.
Mutura is a lifestyle my friend, why lie. Mahindi choma is only for the villagers who pluck and waste time at night roasting because there are no televisions and mind you , village people are allergic to Nairobi life.
If you want to survive until end month find the cheapest food joint “Kibanda” in your neighborhood or work place and start eating from there, their food are not only way cheaper than those food deliveries vendors but also sometimes way fresher than what you are used to in those expensive food courts you normally frequent. They have no fridge so they cook enough for the day. Big hotels store food in fridge and later use microwaves to warm and serve customers.
When lunch time comes, avoid the temptation of peer pressure to tag along with your moneyed colleagues who can order Tilapia and Ugali worth Ksh800.
Don’t go back to the village because you cant survive in Nairobi. you will only add problems to the village people and you will be ashamed to dig.
Be like the shrewd servant in the bible alah!