At various points in a person’s life, it’s normal to feel less sexual or less interested in sex, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship. Just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean it’s not distressing.
There are ways you can reignite your sexual fires.
You may feel like you’ve tried all the basics and now it’s time to spice things up with some new sex ideas. It can be intimidating to bring up new sex ideas with your partner. Couples often struggle with how often to have sex, what to do in bed together, and how to get creative.
To make this less intimidating, think of it as an experiment or game.
It takes practice!
This is your time for you and your partner to test our new things, and it’s not always going to be perfect the first go-around. You also may try things that you don’t like, and that’s okay too! It’s your opportunity to taste and try–just like a trip to a new brewery or wine bar.
Time it Right
You may be nervous about how your partner is going to react. When you decide to talk to your partner, be sure that you are in a safe, comfortable place, free of interruptions.
It’s also important to ensure the conversation isn’t rushed–you don’t want to have to worry about a child walking in or the phone ringing. Pick a time and place that will make your partner comfortable.
Start the Conversation
Once you’ve decided on your interests and have new sex ideas, find a good time to talk to your partner. Keep in mind that some people become insecure or feel inadequate when their partner suggests something new to the sexual relationship.
Start by complimenting your partner and letting them know how much you enjoy your sex life with them. Then say that you’ve been thinking about being adventurous by trying something new.
Here are Some Sex Ideas to Get You Started…
1. Change Locations
Changing it up can be as simple and free as walking into your living room! When was the last time you had sex on the couch? Kitchen counter? Chair? You could also consider a weekend getaway–vacation sex is a fun way to keep things exciting and fresh.
2. Try a New Position
Try broadening your sexual playbook by moving on from missionary and doggy style. It doesn’t have to be complicated–you could simply start by standing up and putting one leg up on the bed or a chair. You could also try starting with an oil massage before moving into a sex position.
The Maypole is an exciting and challenging new position. The penetrating partner holds up the receiving partner. The receiving partner wraps their legs around while being penetrated.
For women, the man’s pubic bone will rub against her clit to give her more pleasure.
If you’re not ready for standing positions like The Maypole, try The Chair. The penetrating partner will sit on a chair while the receiving partner sits on top and lowers to be penetrated. It’s easier than mastering standing positions. You can also try removing the chair and squat against the wall–this is a bit more challenging though.
3. Buy a Sex Toy
There are plenty of exciting reasons to incorporate a sex toy in your sex life. Some people depend on them to reach orgasm, and others use them for enhancement. Before you buy sex toys, there is a lot to know!
There are vibrators for couples that are meant to enhance sexual intercourse. Some of these vibrators are worn while their partner penetrates.
Beyond vibrators and dildos, there are tons of other options like bondage tools, wedges that help with positions, and games that help role play or keeping things exciting.
4. Try Anal Play
With care and patience, you can integrate anal sex into your bedroom for the pleasure and excitement of both you and your partner.
The most important thing to keep in mind: GO SLOW. It’s actually hard to go too slow. Most people need a lot of time and patience to be able to receive anal sex, so you should start with a finger and build up before getting to the size of a penis or dildo.
Entering can be the most stimulating and challenging part, so take it easy. Once you or your partner is inside, be still for a few moments to allow the anus to relax around the penetration.
USE LUBE. Lots of it. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate. The bottled stuff is essential to help ease the entrance. Silicone lube is particularly great for anal sex, but you can use any kind you prefer.
5. Explore a Fantasy
Fantasies are super healthy! They’re even better when shared. Play a game with your partner where you both share your mildest and wildest fantasies. It’s easy to start with a mild one and then think of the wildest one you could imagine being into. This will create a safe range for you all to explore.
Fantasies don’t even have to be acted out–they can completely remain in your shared imaginations. You could imagine watching a threesome porno or even downloading an app to swipe through potential threesome mates without ever acting on the threesome.
There are plenty of sex ideas to explore: from bondage and outfits, to sharing porn! Sex doesn’t man any one things, so open up your definition of sex and be willing to try new things.