8 annoying habits of the Kiinyan woman

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  1. Where does that money go to?

It seems that there is an unwritten rule among Kenyan women that reads, ‘my money is my money, and your money(hubby’s) is our money’. Picture this; you call your girlfriend to come over and she asks you to send her fare (good! she is doing you a favour anyway, send her fare).

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She comes and after a nice Sunday afternoon together you decide to escort her to the stage and you fish out a thousand shillings from your pocket and hand it to her. Out of the blues unaskia amekwambia… nipee fare?! your head gets dizzy and wobbly….anataka nimpee fifty ama saw ya fare, yet nimempee thao?

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I know that a majority of married men suffer ostensibly from their spouses especially when it about money, you have to sit with some to hear their stories, especially the ones that seems to be wise and dispensing free advice, their wives have turned them into philosophers!

2.Laziness

A majority of these young ngaos that are in Kinyaa are lazier than the sloth(that Amazonian mammal that chews slower than it can digest).

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She can’t cook, do laundry, mop a house, nor even wash the utensils. She should be able to do two of those at least. Of-course I do not mean to drag ya’ll hardworking young women out there who have an 8-5 job and still manage to do all the above and still maintain that loving unfazed face, but to the ndivas and srayqueens who cannot even cook rice and beans for chrissake! I have no words for ya’ll.

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3. The Arrogant ones

There are ngaos who are more rude than a makanga. I seriously think that there should be a simile that says; ‘as rude as a makanga!’ one married man narrated to me how he once asked for salt and instead of the salt shaker being passed to him, it was hurled like a missile to him. It hit his forehead and he bent his forehead to show me the scar.

Another narrated how when he entered his house one day and asked for supper and was told to take his feeble legs to the kitchen and heat it for himself. You can imagine that he is a mtu wa mjengo and he has been slaving under the Kinyan sun to bring the bacon home (ok! I have stretched my imagination here, it should be the ugali home) and he is told to pasha his chakula, mootoo! na hiyo masaa yoote alikuwa tu anangalia hizi mavipindi zao kwa tv(all the while she was glued to the tv watching a soap opera).

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Rude women picture this; what if ya’ll asked asked us for money and the reponse was..’enda uitishe babako!‘(go ask your fazzer!) How would you feel?

4. Lying about their whereabouts and everything else

Picture this; you are a newly wedded chap. Eight months down the line she is coming home late, later than you..and the excuse is woi, nimetoka chama, or ni chuuurch. My fren, if you here this excuse every Saato and Sunday be very wary that something fishy might be going down.

When you are not there and if you travel as much for your business/job trips, chances are that most weekends she arrives home in the morning at around six having been dropped off by some dude whom you always think that it is they cousin.

5.Absconding from home(leaving with the child without any prior notice!)

I have heard many a stories in a bar….a keg bar for that matter that goes something like this; have you ever come home, knock, nobody opens, insert your hands through that hole in the metallic door and feel a padlock? So you fish out yours from your pocket and unlock the padlock and let yourself in.

You decide to scavenge the kitchen for food but the sufuria’s are shinning clean. There is not an egg to fry nor sugar to taste your sturungi( black tea). You switch on the TV and there is nothing nteresting so instead you connect your flashdisk to the whoofer and listen to your music mixes. 7 passes, 8 comes and at 8:30pm your call her phone and its off.

From there you start calling her phone after every 2 mins and its off! That day, you sleep hungry and on the couch! The next morning you call her and she tells you to go for her at her father’s place with full dowry. Apo ndio unayua huyui!(that’s when you know, that you don’t know).

6. The ‘silent mode’ treatment

Ya’ll have experienced this from your womans, whether you are married, dating…wharever. They switch off like a mobile phone and activate their silent mode. They don’t talk to you…so you decide to talk to them, and they don’t talk to you either way.

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You get the googly eyes and the side eyes and the mscheeeeew! You try to be sweet and polite and ask them…nini mbaya? Instead you get the side eyes. After what seems like seventeen years of silent treatment, she finally tells you your transgressions and shooooottt! The issue is so puny, so tiny that you question the communications skills between the two of you.

7. Waking up and deciding to just cook bad food..yaani..some really bad food

If you have stayed around some married types, they will tell you that women communicate through food.

When they are overly excited, the food will be extremly sweet and if you are lucky you might have fish, chicken and kienyeji vegetables on the same table for you to swallow with yam or cassava. There is this time however you will be served chakula ya sungura.

Overcooked cabbage and ugali….or the food is just overly salted and you wonder what you have done to deserve this. Kindly communicate with us verbally for punishing us with bad food really kills us from inside.

8. The bad sleeping position( I call it, the number four!)

I have been told many a times by the self appointed marriage councilors that I find in bars that at times their wimens decide to just sleep badly. As in, a very bad sleeping postion….that is…..Ushai pata muanamuke amerara kama naba four? yaani amejikuja mpaka anaka kaa kama naba four?(have you ever seen your woman coil your self in bed to make the shape of number four?).

They hog up all the space and you hang at the edge of the bed while sleeping in the number 1 position and wonder all night what you have done to deserve this. So you get up and peep and see that she has left a huge space at the far edge of her side and she has decided to sleep in the center of the bed thoroughly edging you out of the bed. Why, women why?

If you feel irritated about this one….throw stones at me…..Kenya sihami! If you feel that I have left out some of these bad habits feel free to add on in the comments section below. Next, I am writing about the bad habits of Kenyan men….just wait for it, its coming!

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